You're the first to have ever gotten me to hit rock bottom. Maybe if thoughts, negativities, and doubts were put aside.. everything would be fine. I don't even know what the fuck I'm believing, you know? I'm high on optimism. What can I say, I'm just a believer. You make my mind go blank- halting my train of thought. I can't help but to believe. I'm at war with myself; I'm trying to fight against what I believe in. There must be something wrong with me, you think so. It's unchangable, I miss you, I wish you did too. You're the first to make me notice how hard of a grip I have. I don't love you, honestly. My feelings towards you is just skyrocketing crazy. But what can I say? The sky's the limit and I'm reaching for the stars.
Everyone questions my emotions. I leave them without an answer because I don't even know. You used to care when I was down, you used to be concerned when I was doubtful, you used to make me happy with your presence. I wish you still did. I wish the awkwardness I create would be obliterated with your ways. Remember what we used to have? I enjoyed being your company. You're you- not like the rest. Maybe you put a spell on me and made me find you unusual. Even though I hate your one word answers, I like talking to you. It hurts, but I strive for something that comes after pain. You're straight foward and that's the part about you that I like; you accepted me for all my mistakes.
I can't help to believe. I miss how you were the last voice I would hear before going to sleep and the first voice I'd wake up to. I remember how much pride I had to give up, but it was all worth it. All those memories. It's hard to let go, and it hasn't been that long. I remember seeing you everyday, and everytime spent together made me eager for more. I thought we were fine, but I guess fine wasn't good enough, and it led to what had become of us now. It's hard to say "us", so, "it led to what had become of you and me now." All in all, you made my day all day everyday. I'm sorry I wasn't the best. I'm sorry I was never good enough. I'm sorry I didn't meet your expectations. I'm sorry for everything I've done and everything I haven't. I'm sorry, I really am.
I just wanted to say, it's okay though. I'm happy because I think you're happy. I'll be waiting, and in the end, I'll choose which road I'll be taking: the one going foward, or the one going backwards. I don't care if my path brings pain, and you shouldn't worry either (because you probably wont, but) it's my choice. I'll woman up about it because I know in the end, I'm strong enough to handle it. Just think of yourself and find me along the way, holding your memories in my heart. I hope this made myself a little bit clearer for you, I really do. I'm running the extra mile this time.
There's more, but....
Love,
Eunice.
P.S. I spent a while pondering about what to type. You've never left my mind. At the least, I've never stopped caring for you.
P.S.S. Honestly, I wish you'd say something to me after reading this.
P.S.S.S. but if you promised yourself to be a stranger of mine, then...
Hi, my name is Eunice Ahn, what's your name? Let's be friends, but, I think I like you already stranger.
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